Loop Dee Loop

Favorite Quote #1

2009-08-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

"One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot outdream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope. " -John Eldredge

Standing Still

2009-07-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

In my quiet time this morning, I talked to God about the things I've been struggling with. There is one in particular that is weighing pretty heavily on my heart. It's been making me crazy and confused and frustrated with myself.

I was going to continue reading in James, but this morning I just flipped open to a page. I came across this verse: "1 Samuel 12:16 "Now stand still and see the great thing the Lord will do before your eyes." That is something I have a hard time doing. Standing still and letting God do what He does best. My life gets chaotic, I get caught up in moments, emotions, day to day life. I get caught up so much in trying to control and fix things that I rarely ever just stand still and enjoy the things God does in my life. And He does incredible things every single day. I just need to slow down and savor each one.

That's what we all do. As human beings, we're programmed on thinking about what's next. What's happening tomorrow? What's going on later? It's hard for us to just stand still and be in the moment.

That is my next challenge for myself. To slow down, to stand still, and to just live in the moment and love and appreciate what God is doing in my life, in that single second.

Germantown Fireworks

2009-07-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

The Fourth of July is usually a holiday I do not look forward to. Call me unpatriotic if you want, but something about sitting outside in the hot, humid air waiting around three hours for a few explosions to go off just isn't my cup of tea. You usually sit near a crying baby who is inconsolable even before the loud pops begin.

Every year, my parents would spend two hours packing up the car full of chairs, coolers, fold out tables, tablecloths, decorations, and other things not really imperative to drag to a park. My brother and I would haul things back and forth from the house to the car, sweating to death in the process. Finally, we'd get to the park, mom and dad would argue over which patch of grass looked better, and we'd eventually set all our things down only to move them again to another spot that looked like it "had more shade".

This year, my parents went to Pickwick, a new tradition of theirs. So instead of the giant production the Fourth usually is, Jeff and I decided we'd just grab a blanket, a cooler, sandwiches, and head down to the park. Simple. We made it just in time for the National Anthem sung by a beauty queen wannabe who couldn't quite hit that "Land of the Free" note. We sat on an entirely too small blanket and listened to the old people symphony. It made my night to watch a 85 year old woman play the trombone. Then, Jeffrey lit up a cigar and made an Asian man mad. We grabbed a funnel cake. We listened to the old people choir. And finally, the fireworks started.

Every year, I always want to watch the fireworks with someone. I know, that's really lame. Even last year, when I was in Destin with a boyfriend, there was nothing about being with him watching the fireworks that was special. But last night, in its simplicity, I had a lot of fun and I felt really comfortable and happy. Even though our blanket was too small for the two of us, and even though babies were crying, and even though my hair was slowly but surely turning into an afro, I didn't notice any of it. It was just me and Jeff watching the fireworks.

"Could I Borrow Two Bucks?"

2009-07-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

I had never seen the movie Shopgirl before but I had heard amazing things about it. I never knew Steve Martin as a writer, but I am absolutely in love with what he's written. This movie really made me think about relationships. About really allowing someone to be a part of your life and wanting to know theirs. And maybe the most important lesson: you can't take parts of people you love. You have to accept them in their entirety---that's unconditional love.

"As Ray Porter watches Mirabelle walk away he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks, to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone he would not miss her. Only then does he realize that wanting part of her and not all of her had hurt them both and how he cannot justify his actions except that... well... it was life."

"A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman."

Get Thee to a Nunnery

2009-07-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

I got two phone calls yesterday. The first was a high pitched screeching sound that absolutely terrified me as soon as I picked up the phone and said "Hello?". "I'm getting marriiiiieeeed!!!". The day before, her boyfriend of a year and a half got down on his knee in front of her family and friends at a beach picnic and proposed. It sounded like it was extremely romantic and thought out. Candles, flower petals, all of it. I was really excited for her and really am happy for her, but I couldn't help but thinking: "Another one down".

Then, the second call. "Megan. Guess. What. Just. Happened!". Every thing she said had a period at the end of it, like each word was its own sentence. "I. Just. Got. Engaged. Can. You. Even. Believe. It!" Again, I was really thrilled for her since they had been dating four years and I never thought I would see the day he would propose. He took her on a sunset walk down the beach and pulled out a ring and got down on one knee in the waves apparently. In my mind, "Here we go again".

I am only twenty one (almost) years old, I don't know why I feel so pressured to smack a diamond ring on my finger, but I do. I mean, I should be out living it up at twenty one years old to be honest. But, when everyone around me is getting engaged it seems like and girls my age are getting married, I can't help but think "When is it going to happen for me?". This does not mean I want to race to the altar by any means, but it does leave me wondering every time another friend of mine gets engaged "Is it ever going to happen for me?". And then I think---do I want it to happen for me?

When I see marriages around me crumble, it really breaks my heart. It scares me to death actually. Even my own parents marriage is a small disaster. At one point, these couples were in love and happy and thought that divorce or an affair would never happen to them. I can't figure out if people are just giving up too easily on each other, refusing to communicate, being selfish, or what. Is Christ not first in their marriage? Maybe it's a combination of those. Whatever the reason, people either aren't trying anymore or just don't take marriage as seriously these days.

That settles it. I'm running away to a convent in California. Just call me Sister Megan from now on. Have a blessed day, child.

Consider It Pure Joy

2009-06-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

"When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for pure joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance in Christ has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed, you feel maturity and need nothing. If you need wisdom, ask God and He will give it to you." (James 1:2-8).

I love that James doesn't write, "If you face troubles," but "When you face troubles". Rough patches are in inevitable in life, in relationships, in day to day details. It's in those difficulties where you need a positive attitude and realize that tough times produce an incredible perseverance.

I know that when I face hard time, it's hard to consider it "pure joy". In fact, most of the time I consider it "pure confusing" or "pure here we go again". But lately, I've come to take each difficulty as a learning experience. I know God places each moment in my life for a specific reason and I would be stupid to not stop and learn from them. The good times are great, but the hard times are when growing and maturity start to spark. It's in those time where you truly have to lean on God for wisdom, patience, and love. It's in those times where you have to listen and trust Him and know that on the other side of this, the joy He promises will come. I think once we're able to let go of control and selfishness and the need to fix the problem and instead search for the lesson, we'll begin to trust God a lot more. If we hand the situation over completely to God, we'll begin to see that He really is an active and real part of our every day lives. When I face something hard and choose not to place God in the center of it, I start realizing a distance is created between us and I have a harder time seeing what He really does in my life.

My hope is that I do find joy in the rough patches in my life. Instead of trying to fix and change and fight the situation, I need to allow my perseverance and trust in Christ grow. There are lessons in every single situation, good and bad. But as James writes, it's when our faith is tested and our hearts are broken when God teaches us amazing lessons in our lives.

Adventures with John

2009-06-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

The boy I babysit for just peed on the carpet. Seriously. Just squatted on down while watching Blues Clues and peed everywhere. I couldn't run fast enough to stop him and I watched helplessly as a puddle formed. Then, he looked at me, smiled and said, "There's pee pee on my thinking chair!". Somehow, he managed to spray his denim chair. He's running around half naked in his Pampers pull-ups right now, pretty happy with himself. I just scrubbed and scrubbed as he shook his butt to the "Birthday Blue" song on the movie.

Hid dad set up a drumset for the kids the other day. John tried to do a barrel roll through the bass drum this morning. He ran at it full speed, tucked his head in, and tried to burst through the drum.

The other day, while I was making his lunch, he took all the crayons upstairs and drew a picture on the wall of a horse. Luckily, some of it ended up on the small chalkboard paint square that his parents painted. It was really just a giant brown squiggle with four lines as legs. How did I know it was a horse? He told me. It took me a good hour to clean the stuff off the walls. While I was doing that, he paraded around the house yelling, "I drew a horse! A horsey horse!" and shoved pretzels in his mouth.

Despite the disgusting, crazy, ridiculous things kids do, I still know I want to be a mom. You think this child would scare me away from future motherhood, but it's still a dream of mine. John, despite being a little bit of a disaster, is such a sweet boy and does and says really funny things. His mom is crazy about him. And I'll admit, I am, too. As I write this, John has taken his Pull-Ups off and is currently dancing around naked to the Mail Time song on Blues Clues. I better go stop him before he pees on something else.

The King is Enthralled by Your Beauty

2009-06-22T19:42:00.000-07:00

When I was little, I was obsessed with watching the movie Sleeping Beauty over and over again. I would finish it, rewind it, and then play it again. Something about the story was captivating to me and I could not get enough of that romantic, perfect story. Even at five years old, I wanted a prince of my own. I loved that her prince searched for her, fought a dragon, and woke her up from her deep sleep with a single kiss.

As young girls, women are taught that one of the only ways to gain value and to feel beautiful is to have the love of a man. I know that almost every single girl dreamt of being a princess in a high tower waiting for a prince to save her. From the age of four to six, I made the same wish when I blew out my birthday candles: to be a princess. I wanted to live in a castle, wear a tiara, and be swept off my feet.

I grew up. I realized that I would never be a princess and I would never live in a palace. But that deep yearning for true love was still there. I searched everywhere. I hoped that every boy I dated would be the right one. I wanted each one to fall madly in love with me. I was searching for love in all the wrong places. And that void I felt in my heart never felt like it could be filled.

Christ changed my entire life. My entire heart. I finally realized, on a cold bathroom floor in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, that He was enough. After searching for love in broken, meaningless relationships, I understood that He was my true love. He had pursued me and romanced me but I had completely ignored it. All along, He had been there, waiting for me to take the steps towards Him. It is the absolute truth: He has swept me off my feet. I fall more in love with Him every day. I am beautiful in his eyes. I am constantly loved by Him. He won't leave me when I'm a mess. He won't love me any less when I make mistakes. His love is perfect and He wants me to be His.

The men in my life will constantly disappoint me. They are human. Humans cannot love perfectly. God always comes to the rescue, will never leave, is compassionate, understands, and loves without fail. Human beings will fail at some point, but God never will. What man on earth can fit that criteria? It's nice to imagine that my future husband will be this perfect, wonderful man without flaws---but that's not possible. The days when my future husband can't love me enough, I have to understand that God's love is more than any earthly love I can experience. Ellie told me that Drew tells her this when she questions him loving her, "God loves you more than I ever can".

I guess what I've discovered lately is that He is enough. Within the heart of every single girl is the desire to be pursued, protected, and love. Through Christ, I find all of those things. True, deep, meaningful, perfect love is right in front of us every single day. I don't have to search out the approval of a man. I don't have to change anything about myself for a man. I don't have to seek out the love of a man. God is constantly pursuing me and loving me. He is enough.

Donkey Kick--Bam, Shoot 'Em, Holsters.

2009-06-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

Camp was absolutely incredible. I would go back and do it all over again in a heartbeat. Young Life promises high school kids that it will be the best week of their lives---it was one of the best weeks of my life, too! I saw God work in so many amazing ways while I was there and I cannot wait to see Him work while I'm at summer staff in Georgia.

It was so nice to be away from everything. Crooked Creek was like stepping into another world. I left everything at home behind and completely lost myself in the magic of camp. It was nice to not have to worry about everything back in Memphis and simply focus on the girls in my cabin and the things we were doing at camp. I was able to completely unwind while I was there and just enjoy every single second.

I spent every morning doing quiet time next to the creek, just listening to the birds and the water rushing. I usually struggle getting up early to do quiet time, but I actually really looked forward to getting up and sitting at that picnic table every morning. I definitely don't get such an amazing view or peaceful time to do that here in Memphis so I really tried to savor it. God definitely taught me a lot those mornings.

Now that I'm back home and away from Crooked Creek, I'm still trying to make quiet times a priority. I'm trying to find a spot somewhere to get away and spend time with God. There's not really a place around my house to do that but maybe I'll find a nice little spot by the pond in my neighborhood and sit there. Nothing's more peaceful than Houston Levee traffic. I definitely did not take the peacefulness of Crooked Creek for granted.

Excitement

2009-06-06T08:09:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving for camp in two hours and whoa---I had no idea how much I'd be racing around, trying to get things together, trying to stuff a week's worth of t-shirts, shorts, underwear, shampoo, hair dryer, everything into a suitcase! I'm a little nervous about the 24 hour bus ride, but I think I can handle it. I bought some Advil PM and I am ready to go. Got a blanket, pillow, and giant tshirt. I will be good to journey across America!

I know I've mentioned before finding a woman to meet with once a week to talk about being a Christian woman, figuring out what it means, and actually living the life: I finally found someone to do that for me! And I think we'll be meeting twice a week if she'll let me! She is the mom of one of my YL girls and also a girl I went to high school with. She is married to man who runs the men's ministry in my church and every time I have talked to her, I can't ignore her passion for Christ and the way she runs her family and relationship with her husband. She is an awesome, godly woman and I just want to sit down with her and ask her a million and a half questions! My goal for this summer is to completely immerse myself in learning what it means to be a mature, Christian woman who radiates for Christ. I am really excited to dive head first into that as soon as I get back from camp!!!

This summer is going to be amazing for my walk with Christ and I am thrilled to see what He has in store for me. Through camp, discipleship, friendships, mentoring my girls, summer staff, Campaigners, planning Young Life clubs, I think the transformation of my heart is going to be absolutely huge!!

Emotions, Emotions

2009-06-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

God has still continued to open my eyes to things I need to fix. I am praying that He'll continue to show me these things, regardless of what happens. The Lord has shown me what an amazing Provider and Comforter He is to me. Honestly, if I hadn't had a relationship with Him, I honestly cannot tell you where I would be this week.

Through this, He has reminded me that I do need to continually place my emotions in His hands. Patience is a huge aspect of this, I've learned. Emotions urge us toward haste, telling us that we must do something and do it right now! We've got to act out, we've got to cry, we've got to get upset. But godly wisdom tells us to wait until we have a clear picture of what it is we are to do and when we are to do it. I need to be able to back off and view my situation from God’s perspective. I need to make decisions based on what I know rather than on what I feel. That is a huge realization in my life. I've grown up watching my father act and react based on purely his emotions and I need to break away from that habit. When faced with any situation, I've got to wait until I have a clear answer before taking a step that I may regret. Emotions are wonderful things, but I can't let them take lead over wisdom and self control.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. I'll find out soon. I am praying for the best and thanking God in the meantime for the things that He's showed me about myself and about my relationships.

Lessons Learned So Far

2009-06-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

God's timing is still perfect. I can't believe I'm still saying that. I am barely hanging on by a thread to Him but I am still believing the things He says. This verse has become important to me over the past few days: " But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day! -Habakkuk 2:3. God is never late. Not a single day overdue. He did not wait a day to soon to shake me awake and realize the sinfulness going on in my life.

Through these past few days, I have found these things out about myself:

1. I took things for granted. God blessed me with something incredible. A person who I was comfortable around, who I was so happy with, who made me laugh, who was encouraging my walk with Christ. And in the midst of it all, I was preoccupied with other things and letting my feelings get in the way of this amazing blessing God had given me. These past few days God has reminded me and shown me some passages on being selfless and on being a servant. Instead of being concerned with what I need, I should have been more focused on what the other person needed and was feeling. This all stems from the major issue:

2. I was not allowing Christ to rule over my emotions. I'd have Him in so many aspects of my life, but when it came to what I felt: I never stopped and prayed or stepped away from the situation. I would keep going until the situation got dizzying and was about to spin out of control. 1 Peter 5:8-9 is a verse that opened my eyes to this. Peter reminds us that we need to practice self control and be well balanced. When anger or hurt sets in, it is the perfect time to practice that self control. Yeah, there may be a good reason to be angry---but I can't use that as an excuse to stay that way. I've decided that when I become angry, from now on, I am going to react in a positive way as soon as possible. I will go out and bless someone. I will react in the complete opposite way the Enemy expects me to. The anger and the inability to let go cost me something so important. It's time to try something else. When I am feeling a certain way, I need to completely stop and just pray. Jesus has felt all the feelings I'm feeling. So I just need to take a step back and say, "You understand what I'm feeling right now. You don't condemn me in any way for feeling this way but I do not want to give into my emotions. Help me to forgive and forget". It's okay to have crazy days and PMSy days....but it's not okay to let them get the best of me. I need to give it to God when I'm having days like that.

3. Communication is the most important blessing....or the biggest hindrance in a relationship. I grew up in a home where communication and feelings were not comfortable things to deal with. Emotions got brushed under the rug and instead, they just built up inside. That, by far, is my biggest issue. I've come to God with that. Yesterday, in my time with Him, He reminded me to take a look at my emotions and see if they are in line with what He says. I can't think of a better way to help my communication: if the way I'm feeling is in line with what God talks about, then I will deal with that issue. If not, I'm going to assume Satan is putting that confusion, hurt, pain in my mind and stirring up feelings. Look what's he has done already: destroyed something precious to me. I now know what I have to do to protect those things by not getting overemotional or refusing to communicate. "Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment." Proverbs 4:7. I need to be able to see---wise enough to see---through the crap and see what God truly wants for me.

I'm praying. I am praying hard. For patience, for wisdom, for strength, for joy, but most of all: for hope.

1 Corinthians 13

2009-06-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

I spent time last night on a verse that is so important to me. Honestly, I was scared what God would reveal to me. Would my outlook on love be completely crushed? Would I get even more depressed? But still, I prayed that God would show me something new through this passage that I've read over and over again. Love. What is it? What does godly love look like? What does perfect love look like? 1 Corinithians 13:4-8 talks about that.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

As human beings, we do not have all those qualities naturally. Those traits do not come easily to us. I know for a fact that I struggle with those. I am an impatient person at times, I can be mean at times, I get jealous, I am stubborn, I get offended easily. But, something that God has taught me through thinking about this passage is this: With Him, I can become better at all of those things. I will never be a picture perfect representation of Christ like love. Why? I'm human. But the good news is that through Him, I am able to work on those qualities. By keeping Him in my heart, in my relationships, He will remind me: "Hey, Megan, remember love is patient? You need to work on that".

I love the way the Amplified Bible translates verse 7: "Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]."

Love endures all things. Good and bad. I think that is something that God has blessed me with. I have the endurance, through Him, to face all situations that I go through. When I love something or someone, I'm not quick to give up. God has called us to believe in the best, to have hope in all circumstances, and to face the tough times trusting Him and seeking Him.

I'm barely making it lately, but God is teaching me through this. Whatever happens, I know that God is doing things in my life right now. He is working in me and my relationships. Just in three days, as painful as they have been, I've held onto Him and learned a lot about what I need to work on. I am so thankful that He is a God of second chances, fourth chances, ninety nineth chances.

Who Is God?

2009-06-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I wanted to do a little thinking about who God truly is. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I decided to go for a long run, take a shower, and then spend some time with Him. Today, I felt Him encourage me to seek all the things that He says He is. He wants to be our everything. And He wants us to give Him our everything. Here is who my God is:

He is my Portion (Psalm 73:26), my Maker, my Husband (Isaiah 54:5), my Well-beloved (Song of Solomon 1:13), my Savior (2 Peter 3:18), my Hope (1 Timothy 1:1), my Brother (Mark 3:35), my Helper (Hebrews 13:6), my Healer (Luke 9:11), my Refiner (Malachi 3:3), my Lord, my Master (John 13:13), my Servant (Luke 12:37), my Example (John 13:15), my Teacher (John 3:2), my Keeper (John 17:12), my Leader (Isaiah 40:11), my Resting-place (Jeremiah 50:6), my Drink (John 6:55), my Peace (Ephesians 2:14), my Wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:30), my Redemption (1 Corinthians 1:30) and my All in All (Colossians 3:11).

So many of us, me included, don't allow Him to be all those things to us. And so many of us don't trust Him enough to let Him be all of those things. As I read over those verses today, it reminded me that my God is desperately wanting to be a part of all areas of my life. I just pray from that today on, I continue to remember all the things that God is in my life and to allow Him to be those things to me.

Growing Up

2009-06-01T08:54:00.001-07:00

Today, even though it's still the morning, is going to be hard. I woke up with this extreme anxiety and hurt and confusion. I don't think I've ever spent so much time praying before. Last night, I spent around three hours talking to God and reading the Bible and figuring out things I need to work on. This morning, I woke up at six thirty and spent another hour or so reading the Bible and drawing closer to Him. Even though I feel far away from Him right this second, I'm still putting Him first.

In this step back, I've come to realize that I definitely need to work on my communication. So many things could have been avoided if I had just spoken up. Or, just completely let it go. I trust that God is going to show me how to handle that. And I know that when it happens again, I'll know how to handle it differently. I hadn't really noticed it before and I had never known it was so destructive until this weekend happened and it cost me something I really loved.

God's funny like that. In the times where I think I'm doing everything pretty great, He gives me a reminder that I still have things to work on. After all, I'm twenty years old...about to be twenty one. It's time to face this issue and fix it. I'm still growing and maturing and I think God is taking a time out to show me that. It's so hard but I will go wherever He wants me to go, do whatever He wants me to do, and follow wherever He leads me.

The Ultimate Comfort Food

2009-05-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

My ultimate comfort food is macaroni and cheese. I could eat it every single day of the week. I came across an amazing recipe while planning what to make at Pickwick for my Young Life girls and it turned out so good! I don't know how I did it, but I timed it perfectly to where the cheese on top was kind of crunchy---which is basically orgasmic. I am really excited to make this again.

1 pkg macaroni

1 can condensed cheddar cheese soup

1 cup milk

1 pound shredded Colby cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bring a pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for eight to ten minutes or until al dente. Drain the pasta.

Place macaroni in a casserole dish. Stir in cheddar cheese soup and milk until well combined. Sprinkle the top with shredded Colby. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until cheese on top is brown and bubbly.

B.A.D to the Bone

2009-05-07T14:17:00.001-07:00

With finals week going on, I didn't have the chance to mention how great Campaigners is going lately. This Tuesday was a lot of fun and I'm so excited about teaching them "Bad Girls of the Bible". It's amazing the types of stories you can find in the Old Testament. Murder, sex, lies, secrets. If you have someone explain it to you, it's actually pretty awesome to learn about. And that sense of humor I always talk about God having----well, He's edgy, too. I just love it!

Anyway, the girls picked out a group name for our Campaigners group. Since we're studying Bad Girls of the Bible, they wanted to have something Bad about their Bible Study. So, creatively, they came up with the Bodacious Association of Dames. BAD. They seemed pumped about it. It's definitely unique! I'm loving it, too.

What I'm most excited about is showing these girls that making mistakes, messing up, all of those things God can use to reveal Himself and His plan for their lives. Trust me: I was a really bad girl. And yes, I still mess up. Luckily, nowhere near the point of blatant disobedience like I did back then. And yeah, God takes us on wild, crazy journeys sometimes but there's a point to all of it. You probably won't understand it at the time. But there is a bigger picture. My crazy stories and my mixed up past have helped me relate to these girls who may be wanting to head down the same path I did. And each mistake, bad choice, and dumb thing led me right to where I am right now. That is pretty awesome if you ask me.

Finally, Finals are Finished!

2009-05-07T13:13:00.001-07:00

I hate finals. Absolutely hate them. It's the one week of the semester where everything in my life is complete chaos. Cramming useless information into my head. Staying up late. Getting up early. By the time the end of the week is up, I just sit back and can't believe I just shoved that much information into my brain. For example: Landforms and Government. I'm sorry, why do I need to take these two classes to be a teacher? I'm totally unaware, but nevertheless, I shoved the info into my brain and bubbled the heck out of my blue scantron. And then, what's worse, I can't remember any of it. Nothing at all ever stays in my long term memory. Everything else about college is great I suppose but it's that one cumulative test at the end of the year that bugs me. I don't need a comprehensive overview. Really, I got the information the first time I took the test. I don't like pulling all nighters trying to re-memorize. Oh well. I'm officially done and life is good.

Summer camp is almost here! I'm going to need a few essential items to get through the week in Colorado. I'm contemplating buying a CamelBak to ensure that I'm always drinking water, but I don't know how I feel about having that constantly on me. It's kind of important though since I get horrible altitude sickness. I guess I'll just carry a water bottle nonstop. Last time, over ski trip I was pretty upset that I had to miss out on a few key events! I even missed two whole days of skiing which to me, kind of defeated the purpose of the word: ski trip. Oh well, this time I will try to be prepared and take on that stupid altitude sickness.

I think my biggest hope for this trip is that these girls get to know God and see how completely amazing He is. I

want them to see His sense of humor and His beauty and His absolutely perfect love and grace. I would be a complete mess if I didn't have Him in my life. I look back at my time in high school and realize what a walking disaster I was: no hope, no faith, no direction, and no purpose. I was just bouncing from day to day just trying to make it. I did the same thing for awhile in college. But now, I have this joy and I really want these girls to experience it. I just want these girls to have the experience I missed out on at that age.

I'm kinda bummed out about the number of girls going---I had really hoped a lot more were going, but I think the girls that are coming along are going to have a great time! I know one of the girls has already been to camp so she knows what's going on and she knows what to expect. I think it's so great that she's going again and I can't wait to see what she gets out of it! Two of the girls from my Campaigners group are going so I'm really pumped up about that. I am excited about getting ready for camp together and the bus ride there. Too bad, though, I won't have Jeff to sleep next to on the 24 hour bus ride like I did on the ski trip. But at least I'll have a whole seat to myself! Score!

A Young Life Summer

2009-04-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

The school year is winding down and I am so ready for summer to be here. I can't wait for summer camp at Crooked Creek with YoungLife, my 21st birthday (yes, I'm still not of age), summer staff at Sharptop, and random trips to Pickwick. Hopefully, it will be a good summer. In between Young Life camping trips, I have about two or three weeks to turn 21, work, do summer school, and everything else I want to get accomplished. I'm really excited about serving others this summer instead of focusing soley on what I want to get done.

All the Young Life camps are absolutely incredible. They are all like resorts. I was so impressed when I went on ski trip and saw Crooked Creek. It was gorgeous. I could have done summer staff there, but with the inevitable altitude sickness I get, I decided I'd sit that one out. I already have to go back to Crooked Creek for summer camp in June and I know I'll have to deal with my awful altitude sickness then, I don't think I'm up for round three. I do hope, though, that I can figure out a way to get over my altitude sickness because I know we'll be going back every summer and maybe even for ski trips.

I am going to be a cook third summer camp session there and I'm a little apprehensive about that. I've heard that when you're a cook, you have really weird schedules. You're either a morning cook, which means you have to get up and be at the kitchen at 5:30 or you're working afternoon/night and you miss all the fun camp stuff. I will be

extremely bummed if I don't get the chance at all to be a part of club. But, then again, this is about serving others and if that means I have to give up some things I want to do, then I will.

Here's another thing I'm excited about: being outdoors! Believe it or not, I do love being outside. Jeff thinks I'm a girly girl and that I don't like to get dirty, but I do. I love camping, hiking, kayaking, bike riding, all of that! There's just not that many places in Germantown, Tennessee that offer those things. When I grew up in Maine, I'd spend hours and hours outside in the woods behind our house. If you take a look at the lobby of the housing, however, you'll see that we're not sleeping outside in tents and sleeping bags. So, hey, I'm not really sleepin' out under the stars by a fire or anything, but I will get to spend some time outdoors!

I am ready to get finals over with and ready to head out to the Young Life camps. I really hope a lot of high school students get a taste of how awesome God is while they're having a blast. I can't imagine a better and more fun way to get to know Him.

Cheesecake and Shirley Temples

2009-04-17T23:52:00.000-07:00

I went to see Drew Holcomb at the HiTone tonight. Wow, what an amazingly talented couple Ellie and Drew are! Their energy is great and the chemistry they have together is so much fun to watch. Every time I see them, they just totally steal my heart with their lyrics, their intimacy, and their laid back style. Their lyrics put a cool, unique but simple spin on things you think but can't put into words. For example: "You are a novel in a sea of magazines", "I like to be with me when I'm with you", "She's a complicated, educated late night drama queen". I drank Shirley Temples throughout the concert, which was real festive. I haven't had a Shirley Temple since I was like, five. I had two. The first time, I really savored the cherry they give you with your drink. (Which is exactly what I used to do when I was like, five). I'd sip it down to the very end and then eat the cherry like it was a prize or something. But the second drink did not come with a cherry so I was disappointed. But life goes on.

Anyway, the show was a lot of fun. It was nice being in a different setting than Jeff and I are usually used to. This week together has been a lot of fun. We went to a freezing cold Redbirds game on Tuesday night. Redbirds lost big time. But to make up for the humiliating loss, we went to the Cheesecake Corner. The Cheesecake Corner is what I call Heaven on Earth. I told Jeff while we were eating our Caramel Pecan slice, "If God made cheesecake, this is what it would taste like". It's phenomenal.

Jeff and my first date consisted of dinner at Old Venice and then we headed to the Cheesecake Corner. I have to admit, I was really impressed that Jeff already knew my number one weakness in life is a good ole slice of cheesecake. There were about 15 different kinds of cheesecake to choose from and I stared into the case, trying not to show Jeff what an obvious fiend I was. It was like allowing an alcoholic to waltz into a liquor store. I was excited. Maybe even shaking a little. I'm not sure, I blacked out for a little while because I was so overwhelmed. (Not really, those who can't detect sarcasm). I was secretly hoping Jeff wouldn't want just a piece of regular old cheesecake. With flavors like Pumpkin Spice, Turtle, Bananas Foster, and Coffee Caramel...I would have had a spaz attack if he chose something boring. That would have been a deduction on date points. Luckily, we chose Coffee Caramel and it has been a beautiful relationship ever since. With Jeff and with Cheesecake Corner.

Oooh, girl you in trouble!

2009-04-15T09:50:00.001-07:00

I have to take a class called Instructional Design and Technology in the classroom. What the heck is that you ask? PowerPoints, interactive whiteboard presentations, movies, classroom websites, webquests, creating pdf files, and all the other joys of computers. Not my cup of tea usually. My professor pulled me aside during lass today. I racked my brain trying to think of something I might have messed up on. Did I get my peer evaluations done? Did I not wear my Memphis City Schools badge to observation hours? What the heck did I do? She asked me out of the classroom in front of the whole class so it was kind of like a "Oooooh, she's in trouble!!!!' moment. It was like I was being called to the principals office over the intercom or something. Honestly, you would think that a classroom of 20+ year olds wouldn't act as though they were still in first grade, but they did.

So out in the hallway we go. I'm nervous after the "Ooooh"s and "She in trouble!!!"'s of my classmates. My head is kind of looking down at the floor like a kid in trouble. And I don't even know what I did! "Yes ma'am?". And that's when she started chattering away. And she said really nice things about me! She told me that she thought I had a lot of creativity and that she was really impressed with the work I did this semester in class. And here's what made me really happy: She told me I was going to make an amazing teacher. Wow, that means a lot from someone who has seen a lot of education majors come and go. Plus, my professor has her doctorate in education so she has some idea about what she's talking about. It was really nice to hear.

I know that teaching is what God has called me to do, but hearing someone say "I think you'd be great at this" is such a confidence booster. There are days when I question what I'm doing. There are days when I do observation hours and I spend time with kids that I just do not like. There are days when I teach kids something new and they struggle with it. There are days when I work with kids and they just absolutely exhaust me. There are days when I literally cannot find any patience within myself. Hearing someone else say "You can do this" is such a blessing.

Celebrating Easter

2009-04-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

The night before Easter wasn't as action packed and excitement filled as Christmas Eve, but it was still a pretty big deal. My brother and I would wake up at the crack of dawn, sneak quietly down the stairs, and stare in awe at the pastel colored baskets filled with candy, toys, stuffed animals, and plastic eggs. We'd beg our parents to begin the easter egg hunt. We'd run frantically around the house, hoping to hit the jackpot. We'd look in totally random places like between pages of books or under the remote control, as though easter eggs would magically pop up or out of something. When the hunt was over, we'd sit in a candy coma, surrounded by plastic egg halves, and in plastic grass mom shoved into our baskets. Easter was pretty fun at the Thorne household and my brother and I absolutely loved it. Mom dressed us in ridiculous outfits. I wore an Easter dress with white gloves and a white hat. Kyle had to wear a sailor suit or something with a bow tie. Despite the outfits, we loved Easter.

But now, for me, Easter isnt about hiding eggs in obscure places around the house or yard, pastel colored dresses, The Easter Bunny, or Cadbury eggs. I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't come to this earth, die, and come back so we could enjoy biting the ears off of a chocolate bunny. It's about God, coming to this planet we live on as a man, and dying for our sins. He died the most shameful and public way possible: crucified on a cross. And that's not the end.

It would have been one thing if Jesus had just died. If that was it, he essentially would have been just like any other person on the planet for that matter. The thing is: Jesus did one thing that nobody else could do. He came back to life---giving final proof that He was the Son of God all along. And just as incredible: The Son of God who came to die for the stupid, selfish things that I do. That we all do. And what I love about the meaning of Easter: death is not the end, it's the beginning.

Colossions 2:14 says, "He has forgiven all our sins and canceled every debt we owe. Christ has done away with it by nailing it to the cross". All the idiotic things I've done, I am doing, and will do have been forgiven. Forgive yourself, forgive others.

So, even if you're not a Christian, celebrate love this Easter. Whether it's God's amazing love, your family's, your friend's, your husband's, your wife's, your dog's, your cat's, or all of the above: celebrate. Celebrate new beginnings. Celebrate forgiveness. Celebrate peace. Celebrate happiness. But most of all: celebrate love.

Cookie Recipe

2009-04-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

I came home from work tonight and saw my mom had made my favorite cookies. Ah, one of the few joys of still living with my parents. My mom has made these for years. These cookies have been my favorite since I was little, so I figured I'd post the recipe.

2 cups white sugar

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup butter

3 tbs unsweetened cocoa powder

1 cup crunchy (or smooth) peanut butter

3 cups cooking oats

1 tsp vanilla extract

In a medium saucepan, combine sugar, milk, butter, and cocoa. Bring to a boil and stir for 1 1/2 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter, oats, and vanilla. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto wax paper. Let cool until hardened. I think they're best after they've cooled all night!

Anger and Sleep

2009-04-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

I am really struggling with being honest about my feelings. If something upsets me, I say "I'm fine, really" and keep it to myself for awhile. In some ways, I want to make sure that what I'm angry about is legitimate enough. Sometimes I'm overly sensitive. But for the most part, I don't like fighting. I try to keep as far away from it as possible. Last night, I decided I really needed to take a look at this verse from Ephesians: "Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil" Ephesians 4:25-27.

What I like about this passage is that it says "Be angry". God never says, "You're not allowed to be angry ever". He knows that we all get pissed off and upset. We're human beings. It's a normal thing to be angry every so often. But in that anger, don't sin. Don't say things you'll regret to someone. Don't lie to purposely hurt someone's feelings. Don't yell, don't scream. And also, don't go to sleep while you're still angry.

That is exactly the point where I mess up. I'll be upset, not communicate it to anyone, and then just decide, after tossing and turning, to go to sleep. Sometimes sleeping on things is a good thing, but when you're angry or hurt, it's best to communicate that before the next day. A lot of times I've noticed that I'll wake up, just as upset as the night before. And it's even worse, because it's never been resolved. I hate waking up that way because it seems as though it's not a new day at all. I'm still carrying all the baggage from the night before.

Every single relationship will have conflict. You will never find a guy or girl that is perfect. Every couple differs in the way they communicate. They differ in their pet peeves, things they like and dislike, and the things that hurt their feelings. We have to be sensitive of that and we have to remember: Yes, it's okay to be angry. But when we are angry with another person, whether it's a boyfriend or just a friend, we need to remember to communicate our issues in love and in truth.

Things to Do: Number Five

2009-04-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Susan and I have currently been "wedding" shopping. Not because I think I'm getting married in this century (she may be though!), but because it's fun and just one of our things we like to do. We both like to be stupid, giggly girls and think about things like that. Truth be told, Susan could probably plan a wedding in a single day if she needed to. The girl's got it all figured it out! I was disappointed because I really do want to get married in Memphis, but it seemed like there were absolutely no good places to get married. Pink Palace? Overused. Cadre Building? Too expensive. The zoo? No thanks. Esplanade? I used to work there, and trust me, you don't want those waiters/waitresses anywhere near you.

Anyway, so I found this place. The Balinese Ballroom. It is perfect! We had a formal at a place similar to this in Nashville called City Hall and I loved the atmosphere. This used to be an old warehouse. It's got the wood floors and brick that I really love.

So, my number five thing on my to-do list is to have the Balinese Ballroom as a part of my wedding! That is, if it's still in business by the time I get married!

Things to Do: Number Four

2009-04-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

Tell me that is not the most gorgeous place you have ever seen! Out of all the places in the world to vacation, this is where I want to go. I absolutely love Greece and Santorini is probably the most beautiful part of it. I just love the architecture, the culture, the people, the food---everything. Apparently, the nightlife in Santorini is pretty fun, too, but I'm such a grandma that I doubt that would even matter. I'd probably hang out at the beach all day, drink a glass of wine, and probably just fall asleep. I don't really do nightlife that much anymore. But maybe, when in Rome....or rather, when in Santorini.

There are small little vineyards scattered everywhere. The wine has a completely different taste than the wines from France and Cailfornia since there is ash in the soil. There's also black sand on the beaches because of the volcanoes that have erupted on the island which I would love to see! Annnnd by the way, the volcanoes are still active, they're just "asleep" right now. An eruption? That might spice things up on a vacation.

There are a ton of ancient ruins nearby and art galleries. The sunsets are supposed to be gorgeous. And you can ride a donkey around the towns! Yep, that may be the winning reason to go right there. That and the possibility of erupting volcanoes.

My Boyfriend

2009-04-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about Jeff and our relationship. We had a fun night, running around with one of his friend's from Downline's kids. He's such a goofball, kids love him. As I've mentioned before, I don't really like gushing about our relationship all the time, but I really just want to talk about him and share how I feel about him. Everyone always asks how we met. And how we noticed each other. And how we decided to start dating.

I had a huge crush on Jeff in high school. I was freshman and I had seen this cute blonde haired guy walking through the hallways. I was running cross country and one of the freshman girls on the team told me he was dating her sister. I was disappointed (like I even stood a chance, being an awkward freshman with braces) but I still continued my massive crush. He was a senior and he graduated and I never saw him again.

Fast forward to present day. I became a Young Life leader and went to leadership dinners twice a month. Every now and then, I would see this blonde guy come into the room and sit across the room. I knew he looked familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. I had a serious boyfriend at the time and never dreamt of pursuing anything, let alone did I talk to him. I figured he was in a relationship, too, and we would end up just being friends somewhere down the line. Not even that if I couldn't get the courage to ever speak to him! I remember telling my friend Kelly, "He is just perfect!".

Jeff has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He's always willing to help someone out, go out of his way to do something, and sit down and listen to someone who needs to talk. He has the goofiest personality of anyone I have ever met, and he makes me laugh every single time we're together. He is always smiling.

He has a desire to grow in Christ. I think I officially fell in love with him one of the first times we went to church together: he was wearing khakis and a Polo oxford and probably Cole Haan shoes. He looked like a typical fratted out guy....plus a Bible in his hand. I had never been around a man who was (a) so damn cute, (b)had an obvious desire to get to know God better and to grow in his relationship with Him.

We pray for each other and with each other. He always says grace: no matter if we're at home eating or in a crowded, busy restaurant. We've prayed about big steps in our relationship. We've prayed about things going on in each other's lives. He loves being around high school kids and being a part of their lives just as much as I do. He's always willing to talk to me about issues that come up in our relationship. He wants to know the little details about my day. He opens the car door for me every single time, without fail: rain or shine. He is the first guy I've ever dated that actually cares about communicating. And even though there are times when I just don't want to talk or want to shrug something off, he makes me talk about it until the issue is resolved. He encourages me constantly. He loves his family (I know I've mentioned before how great I think they are!). He's got amazing friends. He's just wonderful and I feel so lucky that God brought him into my life.

Some of my friends have asked me, and some my Young Life girls have asked me, "How do you know you're in love Jeff?!". And I don't like using the cliche' answer like "You just know!" or "It just feels right!". For me, when I know something is right, it's when I'm talking with God about something and I feel this total peace surround me. And then I know it's what God wants. That's how I feel about Jeff. When I talk to God about our relationship, I just feel this calmness. I'm not saying we're perfect by any means. But that's what makes it so special. Even through bad days or little fights or awkward moments, that peace and that calm is still there for me. I can't speak for Jeff, but that's for sure how I feel.

I hope he doesn't kill me for posting this picture of him. I just think it is a pretty good representation of his crazy personality!

Things to Do: Number Three

2009-04-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

I read a book by one of my favorite authors and she mentioned how she and her husband had planned on adopting a child. They walked into an adoption agency that specialized in Chinese and Korean babies, just to gather information, when they saw a little girl with no fingers. They had heard no family wanted to adopt her and they felt like God was telling them, "If you want adopt this child, then who will?". They had no idea where adoption money would come from or how they would even find the time to go about the process, but God provided everything for them.

Matthew 18:5 says "Whoever receives a child in My name, receives Me". God has a special place for the fatherless and I really feel like I am finding that place in my heart, too. Just like in India, little girls are often unwanted. I want to save a little girl, or any child for that matter, from that kind of abandonment.

Obviously, this kind of decision will take some praying over someday, but I really feel like if I meet the right man, and he feels the same way, then this will definitely happen.

Things to Do: Number Two

2009-04-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

I've always loved India, even when I was little. I loved the bright colors, the traditions, the food. But I really fell in love with India when I met my best friend from high school, Nikki. I was so lucky to participate in some of her family's ceremonies, holidays, celebrations, and of course I got to eat amazing homemade food. Ever since then, I've had a little spot for this place in my heart.

It wasn't until I saw a documentary on CNBC on the way some Indian women were treated that I wanted to visit and make a difference. In a lot of rural areas, female infanticide occurs. India has banned medical tests determining the sex of the baby due to such high rates of infanticide, but that hasn't stopped a lot of families in rural areas from post-birth "abortions". They family may choose to kill the baby right then and there or simply abandon it: starve it, leave it outside, etc. Many women lack property and personal property rights. They literacy rate of women in India is much lower than men's. Obviously, gender discrimination is rampant. I think most of all, I just want to come into these women's lives and make a difference. Regardless of race or religion, I know God has placed me on this earth to share Christ's love and given me a desire to help others. I think showing Christ's love to other people who don't speak the same language, who don't have the same beliefs, is as easy as loving them and treating them kindly and helping them. Some organizations have started these really amazing loan programs where Indian women borrow money to start their own business. All female schools are being set up around the country as well and I would absolutely love to be a part of that.

A friend of mine told me about the mission trip she took to an Indian orphanage and she told me how much it changed her life and how much it changed their lives. I think I would love to go on a mission trip and then I'd really like to take another week and travel. Someday, I'll hopefully get the opportunity to go and visit.

Things to Do: Number One

2009-04-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

I was on this bandwagon way before the Notebook. Don't get me wrong, that one is good, too. But, when I was in middle school, I went to a friend's house and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. I had never watched an Audrey Hepburn movie before, but I thought she was just the greatest. Holly Golightly was the best character I had ever seen in a movie. She was weird and glamorous and just completely unique. I didn't want to blink and miss a single second. At that point in time, I had never even kissed a boy, let alone in the rain, but I will never forget watching that kiss! When Paul gets out of the taxi, and runs up to Holly. Ever since then, that's always been on my to-do list.

It has to be pouring down rain. Not just a few raindrops. It's got to be a legitimate storm. And it has to be a kiss with someone I'm in love with! So, Jeff, if you're reading this: next time it rains, put on your rain jacket. We're going outside!

Pretty Begonias

2009-04-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

Today was a gorgeous day outside. How did I spend it? Sick and diseased in bed. I have no idea how I get sick so easily, but I do and it's really getting on my nerves! I have a fever, my eyes are burning, my throat is killing me, my nose is draining into my throat. I feel gross. I found this picture though, to brighten up my day. I think they are tuberose begonias.

I did, however, get to catch up on some things I wanted to do. Just simple things I can do from bed like write some emails, leaf lazily through magazines, hang out

with Winston, and write some to-do lists that probably will never get done. I never have time to do that these days!

I got an email from a girlfriend of mine who mentioned I should keep up this little blog thing. It made me real glad to know someone is reading it. I'm really just doing it to keep tabs on my own life. It goes by so fast sometimes I forget what happened, what I felt, what I thought, even what I did! But I will definitely try to keep it up more and maybe make into a daily habit. Who knows. Life is chaotic lately!

I hope everyone had a chance to get outside and enjoy what a gorgeous day it was!

Restoration

2009-03-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted. Absolutely, one hundred percent exhausted. I am trying really hard to stay positive, but right now, I just want to kind of hide away from the world and just sulk alone in my room. I don't feel like myself right now and I'm not sure when I'm going to snap out of it.

I've put a lot of pressure on myself lately and I'm really trying to figure out why. I'm striving so hard to take on the world, to be superwoman, and to do every single thing I can. I'm running from here to there, never slowing down to take a breath. I'm not sure why I'm putting myself under so much stress and I'm also trying to figure this out: what am I running from?

My attention is needed in a million different directions and I rarely get to just sit down and have peace and quiet and think. I think I'm just trying to neglect feelings that need to be felt and things that I need to deal with. When am I going to slow down and face them?

I really need a "mental health" day, but I don't have the opportunity to put my life on hold. What I really need is just a vacation again. Me at the beach, by myself. Or the spa. I would love to spend some time at the spa. A good massage or something! I am in desperate need of some Megan time. Even if it's just a haircut or getting my nails done, I just would love to have a little time for something random like that. I need to take time out and spend a lot more time with God, too, again. Spring Break was so great for that. I need that refreshment again and that restoration. That needs to be my top priority right now.

My spirit is dry right now. I am so thankful that God can fill me up, if I give him the opportunity and slow down and let Him do that.

Joy!

2009-03-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

This is our first ever picture together. We've been dating a little while and we now officially have one. Joyful, joyful! This was taken at his brother's rehearsal dinner, which was so cool by the way. I had never been to the Hunt Phelan before, but it was really beautiful. And of course, the most important thing is that there was great food and cheesecake for dessert!

I won't say too much about Jeff and my relationship since I'd like to keep that between close friends, but it is so wonderful and I now know what God wants when two people are dating. Courtship is so important! I've dated other guys before and they've taken me on dates and opened car doors and for the most part, been nice guys, but Jeff is so different. Jeff pursued me and obviously, won my heart. And, with every step in our relationship, we've talked and prayed about everything. What a huge difference that makes!

Girls, don't settle for less than God wants for you. You deserve a man who will talk out problems with you, a man who wants to know about your life, a man who treats you well, a man who makes you a priority, a man who cares about who you are, a man that pursues you and respects you! You do not deserve a man who hangs up on you and expects you to call him back, who walks out on you when you need to talk, who cheats on you, who is suspiciously "just friends" with a million girls, who talks down to you, who treats you like a nobody, who hits you, who chooses drinking over you, who doesn't love you for you.

What kind of standards do you have? Are you forgoing some of them because, ehhhh, he'll do for now? He may be a nice guy. He may not hit you or treat you badly, but you still feel like all your needs and standards aren't being met. The longer you keep dating this so-so guy, you're missing out on the incredible guy!

Keep searching. Sometimes, and this holds extremely true in my case, you have to let go of the good to find the amazing. Feel that tugging feeling at your heart? Think, yeah, this probably isn't working out? Do you know you're not going to ever be with this person long term but you're just hanging around because you don't want to be alone? Or because you don't think anyone else will want you like this person does? You're wrong. Let go of the awful, bad, so-so, and good and find that amazing.

Change of Heart

2009-03-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

I had an old friend send me an email today mentioning the changes she noticed in my life. She mentioned the drastic difference in me since our freshman year together and she wondered what the big deal was. "Are you the same girl from back then?" was the question she asked over and over again.

That's a weird question to answer. But here's the way I see it: The answer is no. My heart has been drastically changed since my freshman year. The things that seemed so life or death back then have actually little value in my life now. I could care less about who hooked up with who, how many shots so and so took, what frat party is going on this weekend, and all of those things. I don't get black out drunk and wake up in stairways anymore. I don't hook up with random guys just because I'm buzzed and it's an excuse to have a little fun anymore.

But! Here's the great news. I'm still Megan. Just a more patient, a little kinder, and let's face it: a classier, girl. I live for something entirely different now. The things I do in my life are no longer dictated by drinking or boys or what I want to do all the time. The things I do in my life have nothing to do with making my sorority look good. They have little to do with me. The things in my life are now based upon my faith in Christ.

I still go out and have fun with friends. I'll be the first to admit that I drink every now and then. I still laugh at stupid things. I still love my sorority. I still dance like the whitest girl in the world. I still slip up and cuss. I still have a loud laugh and I still talk too loud in movies. I am the same, just better than before!

I've found a purpose and a drive through Christ that I've never had before. Before, I was living for myself and what I wanted and what I thought would make me happy. And in reality, I was really just making myself more miserable. Is happiness found in a bottle of whiskey? Is it found in making out in random corner of a fraternity house? A lot of the time I thought so. If I could drink enough and become that fun, crazy girl...then that's all that mattered. But it got old. And the high of it all wore off. And at the end of the day, I was still looking for something. Now, I have found that identity in Him.

I didn't write this to validate who I am. I wrote this to show people that accepting Christ into your life doesn't mean you have to stay at home, read your Bible, become a nun, and never have fun again. It does mean that your standards and values change completely. It does mean that you have to make an effort. It does mean that you have a clean, fresh start. What's holding you back?

Spring Break Re-Cap

2009-03-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

Weddings are just absolutely the best things ever. More so when the right two people are getting married. Jeff's brother got married this weekend and I feel so incredibly blessed to have been apart of all that joy and love and happiness that was just flying all over wherever we went. The ceremony was beautiful and Sarah looked so gorgeous.

I had no idea I would be so emotional. But, because I firmly believe in God's perfect plan (especially when it comes to love), I really got teary eyed when Sarah walked in and saw the look on Brad's face. It was completely obvious: he lit right up as soon as he saw her. You could just feel the love the had for each other in the room and I just completely appreciated and celebrated that they were meant for each other!

Being around Jeff's family was really great. Since my family is so small and they keep so much to themselves, I rarely get to experience being around a big group of family members. His family has been so sweet and they have already made me feel like family. His aunts and I danced at the wedding like fools. I taught one of his cousins how to "grown up" dance. I really wish that my family was so big and so close. They all live in the same area, see each other all the time, and are involved in each other's lives. I know that when I have a family, I really want to start that tradition. Whoever I marry, I want his parents, his siblings, his family members to be an active and involved part of our lives.

Speaking of families, I've just been extremely sluggish today and watched episodes of John and Kate Plus Eight all afternoon. I think this is my way of mourning that spring break is over. And also mourning that the school year isn't over, I still have midterms to finish up...gross.

I have good news though: At the beach over spring break, I really opened my heart up to figuring out what my issues were and what my fears were with God. I really feel like I have a clean slate now and I feel really rejuvenated from the whole experience. There was something so refreshing about just sitting on the beach, with the waves crashing in, the sun coming down, and talking with God. Forget caffeine, I was totally energized after that.

Young Life is Balllllllllllin'

2009-03-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

As I was singing loudly in the shower, shampooing my hair for the fourth time (yes I shampoo my hair a total of four times), and steaming up the entire bathroom: I got to thinking about the many incredible things have happened since I started Young Life. I have never been on such a strange but amazing journey in my entire life. It can be so frustrating at times. It can really break your heart at other times. They are in a place in their lives where they are supposed to know what it means to "be yourself", but they still have so much to experience and learn before they can figure out who that person is. They are at an extremely confusing age and they don't know what to believe, who to trust, or if they want to get to know God. I was there. I know how that feels and I remember I really wanted someone to talk to about it. Just anyone to listen to me every now and then. Someone to sort out the madness that was high school.

I love Young Life's approach to ministry. It's not in-your-face-you-better-believe-what-I-say-or-else. It's not you're-a-sinner-you're-going-to-hell-if-you-don't-listen-to-me-now-and-make-a-decision-now. It's not whiny. It's not preachy. It's just: real. Young Life spells out the Bible and the gospel simply. It's about love and forgiveness. If you're a Christian or not, those are some amazing things to know about in your life.

I've really learned a lot about myself in the process. I've never liked awkward conversations (ie: sorority recruitment), but I've really had to force myself, dig my heels in, and go up to people I've never met before. I don't have much in common with the high school students, but I try my hardest to just be a friend and listen to what they have to say. Also, I've never really enjoyed rejection. Who does? But wow. I have really learned how to be humble through this Young Life process. I have been looked at so strangely, ignored, shut down, all of it. But you know what, I keep on doing it. And that's not something I'm used to doing. When I used to get rejected, I'd get pretty down and give up. Now, I keep on going and realize I will face it again.

Most importantly, my faith in God has grown so much stronger than ever before. I can't describe it in words. I know life isn't perfect. I face a lot of crappy things, but at the end of the day, I know God is working in my life. If something comes my way, I know He has equipped me to handle it. Each situation is a chance to get to know Him better and each situation is a chance to show His hand in my life.

I feel pretty strongly that God has put this in my life for a reason. I definitely think that this is a calling and that this ministry may possibly be the way I spread God's amazing message of hope and love for the rest of my life.

Your Love Will Never Change

2009-03-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

I am obsessed with Dave Barnes. His voice and his songs are amazing and I could listen to him all day. His lyrics are honest and meaningful and I'm a huge sucker for acoustic guitar. This one song has meant a lot to me lately. I screwed up so much in college. I screw up on a daily basis. But God's love never changes. The lyrics, like I mentioned earlier, are so honest and so beautiful I just had to share them!

They tell me, there's songs reserved for angels.

Would you sing me one, a stranger

Just to prove your love?

They tell me, you've given poor men kingdoms

And handed guilty freedom

And taken on their stains

And your love will never change

Your love will never change.

They tell me that you dwell with good and evil

In alleys and cathedrals

Shadows and the light

They tell me that you hold the world together

Not from guilt, but pleasure

And somehow you know my name

And your love will never change

Your love will never change.

So tell me there's nothing that you can't do

And you'll love me though I've hurt you

And that you'll take my blame

And your love will never change

Your love will never change.

Test of Faith

2009-02-24T19:57:00.000-08:00

It's easy to trust and love God when things are going amazing. It's easy to be thankful, be hopeful, be faithful, and all of that when things in life are going your way. But what happens when everything starts falling apart?

The past month has been incredibly difficult. I won't go into much detail, but life has hit me pretty hard. I've dealt with more death than I think I ever want to handle in the span of a week and I've faced parts of myself that I haven't faced before. Since that specific week, my relationship with God has honestly been shaky. I've felt so confused and hurt. Death and dying are not things I've really had to face before and I was totally and completely at a loss for words. I spent time with God, I prayed more than I've prayed in my life, but I was still feeling a total disconnect from Him. I was racked with questions, doubt, and total sadness.

I've had my amazing friends and supportive boyfriend behind me, but I've really noticed a drastic change in my outlook on life. I've been struggling desperately to get out of this weird haze I've been in. All I've been able to do is search God's word for encouragement and pray.

"For the mountains may move
      and the hills disappear,
   but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
      My covenant of blessing will never be broken,”
      says the Lord, who has mercy on you." -Isaiah 54:10

Luckily, getting back into Young Life has really helped me. It is always a lot of fun and I always am encouraged being around the kids from Houston and the other leaders. Monday night was great to just sit back, have a lot of laughs, and jump up and down to Taylor Swift's "Love Story". I knew I made a great decision there.

Will You Marry Me?

2009-01-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

So...everyone in the entire universe is getting engaged.

I'm going to a surprise engagement party tonight for one of Jeff's friends. One of my sorority sisters got engaged two days ago. Friends from high school are getting engaged and married even. Every boy I know is dropping on their knee and asking girls to marry them!

I get jealous sometimes. It must be nice to have that figured out. Exciting to start planning a wedding. Amazing to start planning your life out with someone you really love. To have a man that gets down on his knee, loves you, and wants to be with you for the rest of your life. That is one of the most romantic things to ever happen in a girl's life!

I know God has the man for me already picked out. I remember my godmother telling me that a long time ago. I didn't really get it when she told me. And now, I know what she meant. I don't need to stress and worry and obsess over finding "the one". God's got that all figured out for me.

If I could design my perfect man, he would be: 1. a strong Christian man, 2. a man who encourages me every day in my relationship with God, 3. a man who isn't afraid or too prideful to get on his knees and pray, 4. a man who makes me laugh really hard, 5. a gentlemen 6. a man who is loyal, kind, and compassionate, 7. a man who is warm and friendly, 8. a man who is sexy and doesn't even know it, 9. a man with a servant's spirit, 10. a man that kisses my forehead and wraps me in his arms, 11. someone driven and ambitious, with goals and a direction for his life 12. a man who is great with kids, 13. a man who has a man who is perfect in imperfection.

I guess I should explain that last one: I don't want a perfect man. I want a man who has a past. Who has made mistakes. Who has made dumb choices, hurt someone's feelings, had too many drinks. Why? Because I've done all of those things and more. I want a man who knows God's grace.

Until a man drops to his knee and asks me to marry him, I'm just going to go with the flow. I'm looking forward to that day, but I'm in no rush. It will happen when it happens.

Butterflies

2009-01-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

2009 is officially here and I cannot be happier. I feel like this is the start of something absolutely amazing and I can only thank God for it all. He is my constant strength, support, comfort, and peace of mind through everything that has happened this past year. And I strongly believe that if you follow His plan. He blesses you beyond belief!

This is something I haven't really talked about before on here: my relationships. But whoa, this new one is absolutely amazing. I won't say much else about it other than I feel so completely blessed and lucky and happy right now. I had to take a huge step of faith. I had to pray a lot about it. Here I am. I have never met anyone like him before.

Prior to us dating, I had been sort of burnt out. I had just come out of a relationship that had drained me entirely. A relationship where we were on totally different pages, different lives, and different opinions. My heart was completely empty and I truly felt like I couldn't get into a relationship for a long time. But all of a sudden, this guy came along. As apprehensive as I was and as nervous as I was, I felt God giving me a nudge saying: It's okay, go for it.

I'm not sure when it's okay to completely fall for this boy. I'm trying my hardest to guard my heart, but there's a point where you want to dive in head first and feel those feelings. You want to surround yourself in those butterflies you feel in your stomach. In some ways, I feel like I've already jumped. I'm okay with that.

Patience

2008-12-16T11:13:00.000-08:00

I was sitting here, thinking about how little patience I've had lately. I've gotten easily frustrated. I've walked away a few times from things simply because I didn't have any strength left. I've wanted to quit some things quite a few times. I got annoyed easily, I got mad, and I got fed up. Unfortunately, patience is not something I've got a lot of.

Anyway, I came across this verse during my quiet time tonight: "A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth" 2 Timothy 24-26.

Just thought that might be encouraging for some other people, too.

Perfect Plan

2008-12-11T23:05:00.001-08:00

You know, sometimes I feel like my life is so chaotic. I feel like it's out of control, spiraling somewhere I can't stop. I desperately reach out and try to grab on to something, try to gain some control. And then, I just have to sit back and realize: God is the one in control.

My life, at the moment, is mixed with extreme happiness and then extreme stress. And sometimes, I feel overwhelmed. If I didn't know God's peace, I don't know where I would be. When life fills like it is spinning so fast that I can't hold on, God's peace and God's love is what slows me down. Through the rain and the wind and the craziness, God is the calm of the storm. I can find rest in Him. God is so good, even through the hard times!

I think Christianity and being a Christian woman is the most exciting journey I've ever been on. God constantly challenges me and stretches me. He puts me in situations that I do not want to be in. He hands me tasks that I do not want to handle. Sometimes, I want to give up. But I feel like each day, my faith and love for Him grows deeper and stronger. And with this growing faith, I accept the challenges he puts in front of me.

He is the love of my life! His plan is perfect and I am so excited about that. Nothing in this physical world is perfect. It's a hard concept to grasp. Everything has flaws. But God's plan...no sir, no ma'am, it is Perfect with a capital P. I am so thankful for that plan.

Allow Myself to Introduce....Myself.

2008-10-04T13:17:00.001-07:00

Honestly and truly, I am not exactly one hundred percent sure what possessed me to be self centered enough to start a blog dedicated to my daily life. Although, I've promised myself to only incorporate the very interesting aspects of my life. And then, with further thinking, I decided to rack my brain and ask myself the tough question: What exactly is so fabulous about it? I thought. And I thought hard.

So, what makes my life so interesting? The very fact that it isn't. I'm just a normal girl living in the Memphis, Tennessee. I spend most of my days doing anything related to Young Life. You can find me at a Houston High football game or being an idiot at club Monday nights. I love dressing up with my girlfriends and going out, walking around the Collierville Square , and antiquing at Sheffield. I love going to Pickwick and spending all day on the boat listening to Jimmy Buffet. I eat sushi at Osaka and visit my neighborhood Target an unhealthy amount of times every week. I'm a typical college girl. I like a good bottle of wine, the Memphis Tigers, SEC football tailgating, and my schnazuer Winston. Honestly, the the things that make my life "fabulous" aren't really fabulous. They're average. But, the difference is: I savor those average moments in my life. And I can always find something fascinating about my every day life.

The most incredible thing about me is my Savior. My life would honestly be a wreck without Him. He has lifted me up through the most difficult times in my life. He has humbled me (oh wow, has He humbled me), shown me things I never knew about myself, and loved me unconditionally. He created me to be who I am: a little bit of a mess, a girl with a feisty personality, a girl with a loud laugh, curly hair that takes forever to straighten, but He has also given me the greatest gift: the Cross and the realization that I actually do need a relationship with Him.

I live a pretty ordinary life. But with God, I live an extraordinary life.